Rabbit Rabbit

So starts another month and with it comes an existentialist rambling in the vein of stream of consciousness that happened to pass through my mind last night.

Went to the IML Leather Market with a friend of mine on Monday. It was very arousing. I think it was just the overall atmosphere that was arousing because my friend and I were NOT the target audience (being neither gay nor male nor leather-ly inclined). It was a lot of fun and there was lots of leather gear (naturally) and some very tempting toys in the flogger/cropper/cuff department. Overall the hottest things there though were the people. Specifically two CLEARLY kinky couples.

The first was a pair of men, one of whom laced the other onto a bondage board. While this was going on the sub was being fondled and played with and you could tell he liked it. His top/Sir/Master/What have you was very tender with him, kissing him, talking to him, making sure that he was comfortable. When we passed that booth a second time, the sub was still bound and his partner had thoughtfully blindfolded him and was kissing him again.

The second was another pair of men, dressed in leather, the sub/bottom/slave in slightly less than his dom/top/Master of course. The sub was on his knees, hands behind his back and was kissing a leather floggger in his dom's lap. The sub had a new red welty mark on his thigh, probably the result of said flogger. All the while he was kissing the flogger his dom was stroking his hair in approval, it was the first REAL example of a sub/dom relationship that I've seen (above example excepted)and it was SUPER hot.

So what do these two relationships have in common in my mind? The fact that I screamed in my head that I wanted to be in them! That I wanted to be bound to a board and touched by someone I love, that I want to thank a Sir for flogging me and feel his hand stroking my hair, telling me I'm a good girl.

So why don't I have this you ask? Well, part of it is cowardice, fear of something new, even something pleasurable. Part of it is the feeling of unpreparedness, as if I have to experience more before I attempt this as a real life experience. Part of it is that I want this to happen with V, that I feel comfortable, aroused, excited to try these things with him.

Speaking of unpreparedness, CM and I had a somewhat disconcerting discussion late last night. We were discussing the fact that I had been to IML and were discussing the possibility of my augmenting my collection of goods based on what I saw there when the topic of anal arose:

CM: u know u have a thing about anal
CM: i will tell u this i dom will push that issue
ME: why?
CM: because alot of men want anal
CM: even to stretch u
ME: so i should prep for something because others may want it?
CM: your dom [will] push your boundaries
...
ME: :s
CM: [it] sux i know
...
CM: your dom will want u push yourself and anal if never done it will be a major issue
ME: *wrinkles nose
CM: im sorry but i can almost garuantee that

Now I will admit that V may have snuck a finger up there and it felt good, but at the same time this is something that I need to move slowly on and only when I am damn turned on! This falls into the category of "SCARY" and needs to be treated as such. So far this is the only thing that CM has suggested that has truly pushed my comfort and it is an unpleasant feeling....