Me: So I went to a munch tonight and I am totally overwhelmed! I am jealous and lonely and horny, but i realized what a visceral reaction i have to it irl and that i wants it REAL bad which maybe freaks me out a little and maybe makes me sad that i dont have anyone (in this state) who wants me and makes me jealous of those around me and all that makes me feel like screaming a little but cause it's such a little kid reaction to thingsand i have no one to talk to about it lol i think that is about it
K: *HUGS* breath :) itll be ok hun :D i think we all have those days!! hell im jealous as hell of all the collared girls in here :( especially after all the crap with someone i thought cared but i think the jealousy is normal because well we are women and emotional creatures especially when we are confused why does wanting it irl freak you out?
Me: cause it is sooo visceral like you know when you WANT something just sooooo badly? that is the feeling I get sometimes
K: oh i know it well and it sucks ass!!! ive never had it irl only online and its something that i want sooo damn bad but i dont know if ill ever actually have it is there a particular Dom here that you are interested in?
Me: which is scary cause i am too cautious to go through with it not in mds : sigh : I have a .....friend? FWB? that I really want but he lives in colorado and he used to live in florida and i think i want him more than he wants me
K: i think if you find someone that you connect with on a deeper level then you will go through with it..have you talked to him?
Me: lol yes it just goes nowhere. then i try to stop talking to him because it makes me sad that i feel that i want him more than he wants me which doesnt work so i am left to stew in my own melancholic juices
k: sad face
Me: i want a relationship not just someone to smack me around for funsies and that isnt how life works
K: i can understand that hun *hugs* but you do want the D/s with it right?
Me: i think so....i dont want to say that is the only way i would want a relationship but i am leaning that way sorry to vent btw
K: dont be hun ive leaned on you alot! and when you find a Dom that you willing want to submit to and connect with itll feel right!
Me: thanks, it was just a lot of stuff at once HUG!
K: HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS ill be back on tomorow and it gets easier hun especially the more you get to know what you want
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