Guilt

I need a mea culpa or maybe I just need some sense knocked into me. I want V. It's stupid, I know, to want someone who I question about his want for me, to want someone who has been far away since before I even wanted to be with him.

I want to be fucked. (I totally blame my first partner (way back in October) for setting this off in me and I blame V for getting my kinky juices flowing!) More specifically I want to be fucked by V, tied up and called his slut and worked over hard.

The combination of wanting V and wanting to be fucked has led to CM. This presents another problem as CM already has two lovely ladies of his own (plus a marriage IRL) on the website I frequent. Somehow I have attracted the attentions of at least 3 other gentlemen from this website. One of them really pushed my limits tonight and I just felt an overwhelming sense of guilt about the whole sordid affair.

I feel guilty talking to CM when I want V, I feel guilty wanting CM when he is already involved with multiple ladies, I feel guilty talking to these other gentlemen when I really want V, I feel guilty when I get turned on by other people when I really want V, I feel guilty for wanting V when it is such an obviously bad choice to want him so badly.

And I have no one to share this all with that won't judge me on my relationship choices (or non choices).