Wednesday, June 29, 2011
A little music, a little munching, a little surprise.....
Love this song, the video....not so much
Anywho....went to the munch last night. It was nice. I got there a little late and drove separately from my cousin (affectionately called my Security Blanket) so I sat in my car for a while before he showed up. Then he yelled at me for being silly and said next time I have to go in by myself.
I had a lovely chat with some people that I met at earlier munches and met some new people who seemed nice. I met a couple and the wife was VERY open and somewhat nosy, not bad nosy but "I am comfortable with myself and this community and the intersection thereof" kind of nosy. She actually is a psychology doctoral student in Chi and so we did some shop talk which was fun. We discussed going back to school vs not and how going back to school isn't a great option either as internship placements are guaranteed anymore :(
We also discussed an event next weekend where a PsyD is going to be lecturing (at a local club) about why people like to hit/be hit. I am looking forward to it actually and apparently the wife knows the lecturer as he is an alumni of her grad school.
I have also decided that I need a massage after munches. I get so tense during these events that my neck and back are sore on the drive home. I am not exactly sure why I get so tense but it probably has to do with me not being super comfortable in my kinky skin, the sexual tension I feel in the atmosphere, and my (poor choice of) defense mechanisms. Although, I am sure if I asked I would receive.....
In other news, guess who is back in town? CM! So we had been talking/playing for a while then he disappeared for about 2 weeks and now apparently he is back....and he wants to pick up where he left off. I am unsure about this. I don't know what went on for those two weeks and while I have to admit missing the attention and the playing, I need some sort of explanation or discussion about what happened.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Post Pride TMI!
It’s TMI Tuesday again. C’mon and play! You know you wanna. =)
1. What are the three (3)”nevers” of your life? (Things you would never do or have never done)
1) I have no wish to visit Africa. The safari thing doesn't appeal to me at all!
2) I will never have a scat/vomit fetish cause EW!
3) I will never stop reading and learning about stuff. That is how I roll.
2. Who or what sleeps with you?
I sleep with a body pillow and a spongebob pillow cause they are squishy and cozy :)
3. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Showering! I had just come home from a friend's wedding and had danced up a storm!
4. What is the most bizarre thing someone has ever asked you to do sexually?
Can't think of one...
5. What is stashed under your bed/mattress? Why is it there?
Right now there is a sweater bin of stuff from when I was younger (cards and collectibles and memory stuff) and a bag of thesis stuff. There used to be a crop hidden in the sweater bin but I moved it when I cleaned under there. Under the bed is a good extra storage spot for me.
Bonus: What is the one thing you have not done with your partner that you really want to do and how will you go about making it happen?
I really want him to buy a collar and make me wear it. He has expressed some interest in it but he lives far away and I don't want to be a pushy sub :(
——————
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com from your website!
1. What are the three (3)”nevers” of your life? (Things you would never do or have never done)
1) I have no wish to visit Africa. The safari thing doesn't appeal to me at all!
2) I will never have a scat/vomit fetish cause EW!
3) I will never stop reading and learning about stuff. That is how I roll.
2. Who or what sleeps with you?
I sleep with a body pillow and a spongebob pillow cause they are squishy and cozy :)
3. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Showering! I had just come home from a friend's wedding and had danced up a storm!
4. What is the most bizarre thing someone has ever asked you to do sexually?
Can't think of one...
5. What is stashed under your bed/mattress? Why is it there?
Right now there is a sweater bin of stuff from when I was younger (cards and collectibles and memory stuff) and a bag of thesis stuff. There used to be a crop hidden in the sweater bin but I moved it when I cleaned under there. Under the bed is a good extra storage spot for me.
Bonus: What is the one thing you have not done with your partner that you really want to do and how will you go about making it happen?
I really want him to buy a collar and make me wear it. He has expressed some interest in it but he lives far away and I don't want to be a pushy sub :(
——————
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com from your website!
Friday, June 24, 2011
Work Shiva and Party Oh My!
I accomplished the above things today. Go me.
I was also horny today. I realized this especially on my way to the shiva from work where I ended up trying to touch myself through my pants (difficult). I was supposed to wait for the food and ended up masturbating on the couch in my dad's house (where the shiva took place) while my half sister's bf went to get ice.
I also thought a lot about V. In my perfect world (we all have one and I am sure I have written abou this before) V would take control of me (dare I say own me??) use me as his fucktoy his fuckslut his whore. He would tease me and play with me and make me kneel at his feet with a collar around my neck and the leash in his hand. I want to be His (yup the capital 'H') and I am not sure if this is just a ridiculous fantasy of mine that will never come true. If it is just some romanticized idea of what I think I want with someone who lives so far away.
I am not sure if I should talk to V about this. He calls me his fuckslut, his fucktoy. He thinks what I want is hot (the crop, the collar, being used by him), but IDK if what he wants extends to the degree that I want, and because we don't talk as much as we used to, discussing this with him will be difficult. I've talked to him before about our "relationship" and I always feel not content with how they end because we end up talking over instant message or text and you can't get the whole picture through that.
All I know for sure is I want to be His tonight, to be beaten, and fucked, and loved, and held, and kept safe from everything from the safety of His arms.
I was also horny today. I realized this especially on my way to the shiva from work where I ended up trying to touch myself through my pants (difficult). I was supposed to wait for the food and ended up masturbating on the couch in my dad's house (where the shiva took place) while my half sister's bf went to get ice.
I also thought a lot about V. In my perfect world (we all have one and I am sure I have written abou this before) V would take control of me (dare I say own me??) use me as his fucktoy his fuckslut his whore. He would tease me and play with me and make me kneel at his feet with a collar around my neck and the leash in his hand. I want to be His (yup the capital 'H') and I am not sure if this is just a ridiculous fantasy of mine that will never come true. If it is just some romanticized idea of what I think I want with someone who lives so far away.
I am not sure if I should talk to V about this. He calls me his fuckslut, his fucktoy. He thinks what I want is hot (the crop, the collar, being used by him), but IDK if what he wants extends to the degree that I want, and because we don't talk as much as we used to, discussing this with him will be difficult. I've talked to him before about our "relationship" and I always feel not content with how they end because we end up talking over instant message or text and you can't get the whole picture through that.
All I know for sure is I want to be His tonight, to be beaten, and fucked, and loved, and held, and kept safe from everything from the safety of His arms.
Stuck in the middle (of a wolf pack) with you
So my online friend K has recently been talking to another friend of ours, R, on the website we frequent and is in the process of setting up an online relationship with him. Now I think K is absolutely adorable (I actually let her see my face/gave her some contact info) and the other friend is another super sweet person who I also trust quite a bit for someone I have never met in real life (again, has seen my face/has some outside contact info).
So I had a looooong chat with R about his relationship potential with K and gave my blessing as it were. I have to admit some jealousy, but I am pretty sure it is the same jealousy that I feel with every D/s couple that I know online/IRL. K had a bad experience with an online relationship recently and so being in one with R would probably be good for her.
R and I also had a fairly lengthy conversation about the way his household operates. Apparently he runs it like a pack, it is an interesting concept, sounds kind of commune like in a way or "Stranger in a Strange Land" ish.
So I had a looooong chat with R about his relationship potential with K and gave my blessing as it were. I have to admit some jealousy, but I am pretty sure it is the same jealousy that I feel with every D/s couple that I know online/IRL. K had a bad experience with an online relationship recently and so being in one with R would probably be good for her.
R and I also had a fairly lengthy conversation about the way his household operates. Apparently he runs it like a pack, it is an interesting concept, sounds kind of commune like in a way or "Stranger in a Strange Land" ish.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Busy Busy Bee
So I successfully went to the munch again this Tuesday and had a lovely chat with the people there. I could totally have a lust/crush thing on the one of the organizers. Not sure why exactly, I blame on the fact that he is friendly lol. He kept trying to ask me questions in order to figure me out. Some topics of conversation included:
"So what are your opinions of nipple clamps?"
"Boobies are nice, how do you feel about them?
"Are you going to share your opinion about anything?"
He also asked if I had stalked him on fet (which of course I had) and suggested that next time I stalk him I add him to my friends list (which I did) :)
I also got patted on the head a couple of times and the above gentleman put his hand on my knee (made me jump but was delightful). Oh and my cousin helped come up with a better metaphor for my need to ponder: imagine just shoving a butt plug in someone's ass with no preparation, not fun. I need my buttplug (in this case kinky experiences) with lube....lots and lots of lube.
In other news my good friend from high school came into town from Seattle because she is getting married this weekend. So Wednesday a couple of us went to the city and sailed around the shore of the lake on my uncle's sailboat for a while. Anyway, one of my good friend's tells us that her brother came out as bi-sexual recently and there was lots of "good for him" and "yays." My friends are super accepting and lovely people. So I decided to tell them that I have decided that I am kinky. I am not sure what I was expecting in the realm of reactions but the general consensus was, "Yeah and?"
There was not surprise, no shock, no congratulations. I mean I would have guessed that they wouldn't be surprised but a little reaction would have been nice I think. My one friend (probably the one I am closest to) kind of joked that now I need to find a dom who is hot, or a hot guy who wants to dom me lol. That same friend actually mentioned she things she is starting to get a little into girls, certain girls at least. (I'd fool around with her I think.) She also pulled my hair and said something to me (can't remember what exactly) in a SUPER domme-y voice and it was hot. Sent a little ripple of lust through myself let me tell you!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Control
I clung to wall staring at the scene in front of me. The large open space amplified the moans and thwacks coming from the participants in the middle of the room. I leaned back against the concrete cool and soothing did little to alleviate my overwhelmed senses. Closing my eyes only brought the hot smell of sweat and sex closer to me and the air seemed to reverberate as if it was being agitated in some giant blender.
I could feel how tense I was, I didn't belong here, it was too much for me. I forced my hands to unclench by my side and was just about to escape the warmth of the room when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Having fun?" Chad asked. Chad was one of the organizers of the local munch and had been the one to arrange the invitation to the play party that evening. I smiled shakily,
"I think I am going to head out."
"The night is young," he protested, "stay a bit longer." I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, I had to escape, get stabilized. I took a deep breath, ready to make my apologies and go when I felt him wrap a hand in my hair. "Just relax and breathe. You are way too tense." I breathed out in a whoosh and concentrated on my breathing for a moment.
I could see the concern on his face, he seemed to be deciding on a course of action. "Better?" he asked. I nodded and used his free hand to wipe away the moisture I hadn't realized had leaked from my eyes. "Good girl. Just relax and let me worry about what's going on around you ok?" I nodded again and he traced my jaw with his finger tips. I felt a tug on my hair and realized that he was signalling for me to kneel next to him. I hesitated and tugged again, gently, looking me in the eyes while doing so. I finally lowered my eyes and sat on the ground at his feet. He adjusted the grip in my hair and moved closer so that I could lean on his leg.
I closed my eyes again, steadying myself against him, feeling my heartrate slow and my breathing deepen. It was all right now, there was nothing to be worried about, all the scents, sounds, and sights were secondary to the feel of his hand in my hair and his leg against my body. I relaxed as people approached to chat with him.
I heard my name once or twice and tensed but a small tug on my hair reminded me of Chad's presence and his promise to worry about the activities around me. I spent the remainder of my time there, sitting next to Chad feeling his hand in my hair, or patting my head, and occasionally stroking my cheek, almost absently.
It was just what I needed; control.
I could feel how tense I was, I didn't belong here, it was too much for me. I forced my hands to unclench by my side and was just about to escape the warmth of the room when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"Having fun?" Chad asked. Chad was one of the organizers of the local munch and had been the one to arrange the invitation to the play party that evening. I smiled shakily,
"I think I am going to head out."
"The night is young," he protested, "stay a bit longer." I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, I had to escape, get stabilized. I took a deep breath, ready to make my apologies and go when I felt him wrap a hand in my hair. "Just relax and breathe. You are way too tense." I breathed out in a whoosh and concentrated on my breathing for a moment.
I could see the concern on his face, he seemed to be deciding on a course of action. "Better?" he asked. I nodded and used his free hand to wipe away the moisture I hadn't realized had leaked from my eyes. "Good girl. Just relax and let me worry about what's going on around you ok?" I nodded again and he traced my jaw with his finger tips. I felt a tug on my hair and realized that he was signalling for me to kneel next to him. I hesitated and tugged again, gently, looking me in the eyes while doing so. I finally lowered my eyes and sat on the ground at his feet. He adjusted the grip in my hair and moved closer so that I could lean on his leg.
I closed my eyes again, steadying myself against him, feeling my heartrate slow and my breathing deepen. It was all right now, there was nothing to be worried about, all the scents, sounds, and sights were secondary to the feel of his hand in my hair and his leg against my body. I relaxed as people approached to chat with him.
I heard my name once or twice and tensed but a small tug on my hair reminded me of Chad's presence and his promise to worry about the activities around me. I spent the remainder of my time there, sitting next to Chad feeling his hand in my hair, or patting my head, and occasionally stroking my cheek, almost absently.
It was just what I needed; control.
Monday, June 20, 2011
TMI
1. How many states have you had sex in? How many countries? Yes, Oral counts! All sex acts– penetrative or not– are sex.
2 States :D and no sex in other countries but I was dry humped on a beach in France once.....
2. What do you think is the sexiest piece of clothing a man/women wears on a daily basis? e.g., bra, jeans, sundress, dress shirt, etc.
Man: a nice button down shirt (preferably tailored to show off the pecs!)
Woman: bra, a very sexy piece of clothing
3. Would you date yourself? Why or why not?
Maybe. I might be too neurotic for myself lol
4. Which muscle do you work the hardest: brain, heart, mouth?
Brain. I try to read a lot and like to learn new things.
5. Fill-in the blank: I’m a total priss when it comes to _____ .
being on time? having a plan? That is all I can think of right now lol
Bonus: Describe your darkest fantasy.
I have a lot of fantasies. I don't know whether they would be considered dark or not though....
I've imagined laying on the floor at my partners feet, as his footrest, with clothespins on my nipples and clit. Him using a vibrator on me and making me climax from the combination of pain and vibrations.
I've imagined being collared and leashed and made to be in a semi-public place and shown off to others.
Those are probably the darkest in recent memory...
.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!
2 States :D and no sex in other countries but I was dry humped on a beach in France once.....
2. What do you think is the sexiest piece of clothing a man/women wears on a daily basis? e.g., bra, jeans, sundress, dress shirt, etc.
Man: a nice button down shirt (preferably tailored to show off the pecs!)
Woman: bra, a very sexy piece of clothing
3. Would you date yourself? Why or why not?
Maybe. I might be too neurotic for myself lol
4. Which muscle do you work the hardest: brain, heart, mouth?
Brain. I try to read a lot and like to learn new things.
5. Fill-in the blank: I’m a total priss when it comes to _____ .
being on time? having a plan? That is all I can think of right now lol
Bonus: Describe your darkest fantasy.
I have a lot of fantasies. I don't know whether they would be considered dark or not though....
I've imagined laying on the floor at my partners feet, as his footrest, with clothespins on my nipples and clit. Him using a vibrator on me and making me climax from the combination of pain and vibrations.
I've imagined being collared and leashed and made to be in a semi-public place and shown off to others.
Those are probably the darkest in recent memory...
.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
It's hard to say "bye-bye!"
So as I may have mentioned before, I want to be with V, alas due to distance that is currently (potentially future-y) not an option. He has also been pretty MIA when it comes to the dirty talk time on the interwebs so I have been subsidizing my chatting with other people. Now I have been chatting fairly regularly with CM (up until mmm 2 weeks ago maybe?) and occasionlly with 3 other gentlemen. Now maybe this makes me a slut but IDK what I'm doing and just kind of floating around.
Anywho, so I have been talking with Z and kind of playing online truth or dare (mostly truth) and the other day he totally pushed it so I stopped talking to him and he apologized and apologized and I talked to him tonight.
Well I realized that I don't think I want to go around flashing him and having him flash me. Not because he is a bad person or he is too pushy or what have you, but I'm kinda just not interested in him. So I asked another online acquaintance for a suggestion as how to gently indicate my disinterest:
"As much as I would normally like to see this progress, I must admit that I have my eye on someone else, and would like to see it furthered. I think continuing might endanger that, and I wouldn't like that to happen, but I would like to remain friends if you don't mind...."
So clever! I will use the next opportunity I get!
Anywho, so I have been talking with Z and kind of playing online truth or dare (mostly truth) and the other day he totally pushed it so I stopped talking to him and he apologized and apologized and I talked to him tonight.
Well I realized that I don't think I want to go around flashing him and having him flash me. Not because he is a bad person or he is too pushy or what have you, but I'm kinda just not interested in him. So I asked another online acquaintance for a suggestion as how to gently indicate my disinterest:
"As much as I would normally like to see this progress, I must admit that I have my eye on someone else, and would like to see it furthered. I think continuing might endanger that, and I wouldn't like that to happen, but I would like to remain friends if you don't mind...."
So clever! I will use the next opportunity I get!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Squee!!
Played with V for like 2 seconds via Skype. Made me ridiculously happy. I am not smart lol.
Also made a deposit for an apt for me, myself, and I. :D
Death to the Trifecta!!
Also made a deposit for an apt for me, myself, and I. :D
Death to the Trifecta!!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Post Munch Conversation Explained in More Detail
So yes, I went to my first munch with my cousin and the girl he is currently sleeping with. The people were really nice and I felt that I held my own pretty well. Surprisingly the talk was very kink oriented (which is apparently unusual when chatting with newbies) and I now have plans to write a manual entitled '5 Steps to an Orgy' that describes the various levels of sexual interaction and the proper titles for each level. There will be pictures :)
Anyway, while the event itself was vanilla (took place in a sushi restaurant)there was definitely a kinky energy that kind of turned me on. Yup I get turned on by dominance and submission awesome.
But.....because there was some definite kinky energy it made me feel lonely because what I truly want (V dominating me) is not happening and likely will not happen. I am pretty sure I want him more than he wants me which is another topic entirely. It also made me jealous of those that have what I want and can "flaunt" it so openly and confortably. So I went and vented to a friend on a website and felt a little better.
Anyway, while the event itself was vanilla (took place in a sushi restaurant)there was definitely a kinky energy that kind of turned me on. Yup I get turned on by dominance and submission awesome.
But.....because there was some definite kinky energy it made me feel lonely because what I truly want (V dominating me) is not happening and likely will not happen. I am pretty sure I want him more than he wants me which is another topic entirely. It also made me jealous of those that have what I want and can "flaunt" it so openly and confortably. So I went and vented to a friend on a website and felt a little better.
Post Munch Vent With an Online Friend
Me: So I went to a munch tonight and I am totally overwhelmed! I am jealous and lonely and horny, but i realized what a visceral reaction i have to it irl and that i wants it REAL bad which maybe freaks me out a little and maybe makes me sad that i dont have anyone (in this state) who wants me and makes me jealous of those around me and all that makes me feel like screaming a little but cause it's such a little kid reaction to thingsand i have no one to talk to about it lol i think that is about it
K: *HUGS* breath :) itll be ok hun :D i think we all have those days!! hell im jealous as hell of all the collared girls in here :( especially after all the crap with someone i thought cared but i think the jealousy is normal because well we are women and emotional creatures especially when we are confused why does wanting it irl freak you out?
Me: cause it is sooo visceral like you know when you WANT something just sooooo badly? that is the feeling I get sometimes
K: oh i know it well and it sucks ass!!! ive never had it irl only online and its something that i want sooo damn bad but i dont know if ill ever actually have it is there a particular Dom here that you are interested in?
Me: which is scary cause i am too cautious to go through with it not in mds : sigh : I have a .....friend? FWB? that I really want but he lives in colorado and he used to live in florida and i think i want him more than he wants me
K: i think if you find someone that you connect with on a deeper level then you will go through with it..have you talked to him?
Me: lol yes it just goes nowhere. then i try to stop talking to him because it makes me sad that i feel that i want him more than he wants me which doesnt work so i am left to stew in my own melancholic juices
k: sad face
Me: i want a relationship not just someone to smack me around for funsies and that isnt how life works
K: i can understand that hun *hugs* but you do want the D/s with it right?
Me: i think so....i dont want to say that is the only way i would want a relationship but i am leaning that way sorry to vent btw
K: dont be hun ive leaned on you alot! and when you find a Dom that you willing want to submit to and connect with itll feel right!
Me: thanks, it was just a lot of stuff at once HUG!
K: HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS ill be back on tomorow and it gets easier hun especially the more you get to know what you want
K: *HUGS* breath :) itll be ok hun :D i think we all have those days!! hell im jealous as hell of all the collared girls in here :( especially after all the crap with someone i thought cared but i think the jealousy is normal because well we are women and emotional creatures especially when we are confused why does wanting it irl freak you out?
Me: cause it is sooo visceral like you know when you WANT something just sooooo badly? that is the feeling I get sometimes
K: oh i know it well and it sucks ass!!! ive never had it irl only online and its something that i want sooo damn bad but i dont know if ill ever actually have it is there a particular Dom here that you are interested in?
Me: which is scary cause i am too cautious to go through with it not in mds : sigh : I have a .....friend? FWB? that I really want but he lives in colorado and he used to live in florida and i think i want him more than he wants me
K: i think if you find someone that you connect with on a deeper level then you will go through with it..have you talked to him?
Me: lol yes it just goes nowhere. then i try to stop talking to him because it makes me sad that i feel that i want him more than he wants me which doesnt work so i am left to stew in my own melancholic juices
k: sad face
Me: i want a relationship not just someone to smack me around for funsies and that isnt how life works
K: i can understand that hun *hugs* but you do want the D/s with it right?
Me: i think so....i dont want to say that is the only way i would want a relationship but i am leaning that way sorry to vent btw
K: dont be hun ive leaned on you alot! and when you find a Dom that you willing want to submit to and connect with itll feel right!
Me: thanks, it was just a lot of stuff at once HUG!
K: HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS ill be back on tomorow and it gets easier hun especially the more you get to know what you want
Monday, June 13, 2011
TMI Once Again!
What’s In A Name?
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” –William Shakespeare, “Romeo and Juliet.”
Meaning: What matters is what something is, not what it is called.
———————————–
1. You have started your own sex themed business. What is the name of your business? What is your specialty service or product? BONUS: In one or two sentences, what is your business’s slogan or motto?
"Bruises, Boners, and Beds"
A sex advice column for all those embarassing questions you can't ask your friends!
"Not Your Mama's Advice Column"
2. You have to write a 10-word message to the man/woman of your dreams, what would you say?
I want to be yours. Will you be mine dear?
*3. What’s the word or string of words your partner can say to you that sends you over the edge the quickest?
my little fucktoy :D
4. What is the nickname of your partner’s pussy or dick? Did you name it or was it already called that.
I have no clue lol
5. What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name?
[real first name] Lisa Monroe
It is somewhat of pun on Mona Lisa with a dash of Marilyn Monroe thrown in for good measure :)
*Question submitted by Kirsti formerly of the Drenched and Delicious blog.
———————————–
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” –William Shakespeare, “Romeo and Juliet.”
Meaning: What matters is what something is, not what it is called.
———————————–
1. You have started your own sex themed business. What is the name of your business? What is your specialty service or product? BONUS: In one or two sentences, what is your business’s slogan or motto?
"Bruises, Boners, and Beds"
A sex advice column for all those embarassing questions you can't ask your friends!
"Not Your Mama's Advice Column"
2. You have to write a 10-word message to the man/woman of your dreams, what would you say?
I want to be yours. Will you be mine dear?
*3. What’s the word or string of words your partner can say to you that sends you over the edge the quickest?
my little fucktoy :D
4. What is the nickname of your partner’s pussy or dick? Did you name it or was it already called that.
I have no clue lol
5. What would you call yourself if you could choose your own name?
[real first name] Lisa Monroe
It is somewhat of pun on Mona Lisa with a dash of Marilyn Monroe thrown in for good measure :)
*Question submitted by Kirsti formerly of the Drenched and Delicious blog.
———————————–
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Guilt
I need a mea culpa or maybe I just need some sense knocked into me. I want V. It's stupid, I know, to want someone who I question about his want for me, to want someone who has been far away since before I even wanted to be with him.
I want to be fucked. (I totally blame my first partner (way back in October) for setting this off in me and I blame V for getting my kinky juices flowing!) More specifically I want to be fucked by V, tied up and called his slut and worked over hard.
The combination of wanting V and wanting to be fucked has led to CM. This presents another problem as CM already has two lovely ladies of his own (plus a marriage IRL) on the website I frequent. Somehow I have attracted the attentions of at least 3 other gentlemen from this website. One of them really pushed my limits tonight and I just felt an overwhelming sense of guilt about the whole sordid affair.
I feel guilty talking to CM when I want V, I feel guilty wanting CM when he is already involved with multiple ladies, I feel guilty talking to these other gentlemen when I really want V, I feel guilty when I get turned on by other people when I really want V, I feel guilty for wanting V when it is such an obviously bad choice to want him so badly.
And I have no one to share this all with that won't judge me on my relationship choices (or non choices).
I want to be fucked. (I totally blame my first partner (way back in October) for setting this off in me and I blame V for getting my kinky juices flowing!) More specifically I want to be fucked by V, tied up and called his slut and worked over hard.
The combination of wanting V and wanting to be fucked has led to CM. This presents another problem as CM already has two lovely ladies of his own (plus a marriage IRL) on the website I frequent. Somehow I have attracted the attentions of at least 3 other gentlemen from this website. One of them really pushed my limits tonight and I just felt an overwhelming sense of guilt about the whole sordid affair.
I feel guilty talking to CM when I want V, I feel guilty wanting CM when he is already involved with multiple ladies, I feel guilty talking to these other gentlemen when I really want V, I feel guilty when I get turned on by other people when I really want V, I feel guilty for wanting V when it is such an obviously bad choice to want him so badly.
And I have no one to share this all with that won't judge me on my relationship choices (or non choices).
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Love is....
So I think I might love V. I hate to say it for certain because we haven't spent that much time together IRL but he makes me feel warm and fuzzy and I fantasize about him like crazy. I think I have decided to love him but not be IN LOVE with him, apparently there is a difference, but don't ask me what it is!
I should do some research and write about the nature of love. The philosophy of love, the types of love. That would take a lot of research and time so not right now lol.
Anyway, I think giving him my grocery list of interests sparked his thoughts. We were talking last night and it got pretty hot and heavy (as per usual) and he expressed interest in some of my more kinky grocery items which makes me happy.
I know we would be dating (and having wild monkey sex) if we lived near each other. I just wonder if it is worth it to lust after him so much when we don't live near each other and have no plans to do so...
I should do some research and write about the nature of love. The philosophy of love, the types of love. That would take a lot of research and time so not right now lol.
Anyway, I think giving him my grocery list of interests sparked his thoughts. We were talking last night and it got pretty hot and heavy (as per usual) and he expressed interest in some of my more kinky grocery items which makes me happy.
I know we would be dating (and having wild monkey sex) if we lived near each other. I just wonder if it is worth it to lust after him so much when we don't live near each other and have no plans to do so...
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Trifecta
Housing, Career, Relationships
My trifecta is currently being fucked (and not in a good way).
Housing:
- I live at home with my mother, grandfather and dog
- the house is very messy
- although my mother tries to give me as much space as she can it just isn't enough
- my almost-roommate cancelled on me
- an apt in my neighborhood costs about 1/2 a month's salary at the rate I am going
- my mother has offered to subsidize me by giving me extra money so I can afford rent, I may end up taking her up on that offer, although it pains me to do so!
Career:
- I am totally burnt out at my current job
- I have come to resent the children immensely, which isn't good if you are stuck in a building with them all day
- I don't make enough money (see Housing)
- I am bored
- I am underemployed
- I am not in my field
- Jobs in my field have been incredibly hard to get, even though I have been applying like a mad person since I graduated 2 years ago
- I am wondering if I need to look ouside of my field in order become financially stable
Relationship:
- I would be dating V if we lived in the same state
- I am playing with CM
- IRL there is no one
- I want someone to cuddle with, a kinky guy my age that lives in my state
Story for CM
You told me to meet you at 8, I show up a few minutes early, uncertain as to what the plan is for the evening. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. You invite me in and I step through, already damp with excitement. You are sitting in your favorite chair, almost a loveseat really, covered in smooth leather. I close the door behind me, the soft click of the lock ensuring that we are now alone together.
“Come here love.” You command, I start walking towards you and you click your tongue disapprovingly. I hesitate then lower myself to the ground and crawl the rest of the way to your feet, blushing furiously in the process. “Better.” You say simply and I blush anew. You extend your legs toward me and I bend down even more to kiss the tip of your shoe, I feel your hand on my neck pressing me down further and I comply, keeping my lips pressed firmly to your shoe as your hand squeezes the back of my neck. “Tsk tsk,” you say, “clothes? I think not.” You remove your hand from my neck and I jump to remove my shirt. “Slowly love, always slowly.” You caution.
I pause then continue to remove the rest of my clothes slowly, putting them in a neat pile on the floor as you look on approvingly. You make me stand in front of you naked for a moment, just watching, admiring, concocting plans for the evening in that deliciously dirty mind of yours. Finally, after an apparent eternity, you pat your lap inviting me to sit with you. I gratefully accept your invitation, wrapping my arms around your neck and resting my face on your shoulder. You laugh a little at my shyness and put your arms around me squeezing me tightly. We sit like that for a moment, a snapshot of you cuddling a naked me on your lap, a Rockwellian fantasy.
You shift my weight on your lap so one of your hands is free to roam my body, touching, tickling, pinching. I endure it as best I can, sighing when you brush a particularly sensitive spot and moaning quietly when you reach your fingers up to examine my nipples. Hard as they are, you somehow make them harder with your grasping pinching fingers. My head is still buried in your shoulder, an attempt to stay somewhat silent in the wake of your explorations. You continue for a while, groping, touching, pinching, attempting to play me like some fine instrument until your hand comes to rest on my thigh.
You tap my thigh once, a signal that I both love and hate, wanting to continue your exploration of my body. I open my legs a fraction of an inch and I can feel you frown as you pinch the skin of my thigh rolling it between your fingers. I yelp quietly and open myself up to you. Tantalizingly, you stroke the insides of my thighs, barely touching them, working your way up to the crevice between them. I feel your fingers squeezing my lips, spreading my wetness around and I make a sound. You ignore me and continue pinching my lips together the wetness oozing onto you fingers. I am squirming now, wiggling on your lap, feeling the semi hardness under my ass.
You let my lips go and proceed to stick two digits inside me, swirling around. I am biting onto the fabric of your shirt my hips twitching under your touch. You bring your finger to your lips and suck it clean. “You really are sweet my sweet.” You say chuckling slightly, you pat my legs, “Lap time is over pet, now the fun begins.”
“Come here love.” You command, I start walking towards you and you click your tongue disapprovingly. I hesitate then lower myself to the ground and crawl the rest of the way to your feet, blushing furiously in the process. “Better.” You say simply and I blush anew. You extend your legs toward me and I bend down even more to kiss the tip of your shoe, I feel your hand on my neck pressing me down further and I comply, keeping my lips pressed firmly to your shoe as your hand squeezes the back of my neck. “Tsk tsk,” you say, “clothes? I think not.” You remove your hand from my neck and I jump to remove my shirt. “Slowly love, always slowly.” You caution.
I pause then continue to remove the rest of my clothes slowly, putting them in a neat pile on the floor as you look on approvingly. You make me stand in front of you naked for a moment, just watching, admiring, concocting plans for the evening in that deliciously dirty mind of yours. Finally, after an apparent eternity, you pat your lap inviting me to sit with you. I gratefully accept your invitation, wrapping my arms around your neck and resting my face on your shoulder. You laugh a little at my shyness and put your arms around me squeezing me tightly. We sit like that for a moment, a snapshot of you cuddling a naked me on your lap, a Rockwellian fantasy.
You shift my weight on your lap so one of your hands is free to roam my body, touching, tickling, pinching. I endure it as best I can, sighing when you brush a particularly sensitive spot and moaning quietly when you reach your fingers up to examine my nipples. Hard as they are, you somehow make them harder with your grasping pinching fingers. My head is still buried in your shoulder, an attempt to stay somewhat silent in the wake of your explorations. You continue for a while, groping, touching, pinching, attempting to play me like some fine instrument until your hand comes to rest on my thigh.
You tap my thigh once, a signal that I both love and hate, wanting to continue your exploration of my body. I open my legs a fraction of an inch and I can feel you frown as you pinch the skin of my thigh rolling it between your fingers. I yelp quietly and open myself up to you. Tantalizingly, you stroke the insides of my thighs, barely touching them, working your way up to the crevice between them. I feel your fingers squeezing my lips, spreading my wetness around and I make a sound. You ignore me and continue pinching my lips together the wetness oozing onto you fingers. I am squirming now, wiggling on your lap, feeling the semi hardness under my ass.
You let my lips go and proceed to stick two digits inside me, swirling around. I am biting onto the fabric of your shirt my hips twitching under your touch. You bring your finger to your lips and suck it clean. “You really are sweet my sweet.” You say chuckling slightly, you pat my legs, “Lap time is over pet, now the fun begins.”
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Fustercluck
So last night was a bit of a fuck up, ok maybe a big fuck up. The day itself actually went by pretty fast. My cousin, M, was chatting with me and I ended up getting an invite to a TNG munch in the city with him and his [f]riend. This is a good thing as I really need to go to a munch and have been putting it off and basically have been too chicken to go by myself to any events in my area. So going with a small group will help that. He also turned me on to a super duper online sale at a "toy" company. I ended up purchasing a rechargeable/cordless wand vibe and a crop.
So I was so excited that I posted news of the sale on a website I frequent and got super burned! Apparently there are a lot of people who have not been happy with their purchases from this website so that kind of put a damper on my somewhat impulsive spending.
Finished work, went home, went to yoga, took a shower and came back. CM came online and we played a little bit. He had talked to me before about using a belt on myself (as a flogger kind of thing) and I have to admit I was curious, nervous, and a little excited to try it out. Well I liked it, gave myself some pretty welts and it made me pretty wet. That, of course is when the trouble started, He had me grab my vibe and fuck myself with it and I got close to climaxing....very close....really super close,but I could not for the life of me push myself over the edge. It was so frustrating that I ended up sobbing on the floor of my bedroom, naked, with a a dripping wet pussy. And I know that CM wants me to climax and I want me to climax, but I find it soooo hard to do! I am not sure if it is something to do with my meds or the fact that I am feeling so depressed about my life lately (see: The Trifecta)or the fact that V was online and I wasn't talking to him and wanted him so badly last night. CM keeps pushing me, which is good but I have this hang up about not being able to climax repeatedly at the drop of a hat and how that makes me a horrible woman/person/partner/sex object. That makes me more frustrated and honestly I feel like I am letting him down (felt the same way about having sex with V) by not being able to cum and cum and cum. I eventually just gave some bs message about being sorry and having to go then logged off and sobbed some more.
I felt like shit and it carried somewhat over to today I'm afraid. I can never live in a home with a firearm in it. I would be too tempted to use it someday.
So I was so excited that I posted news of the sale on a website I frequent and got super burned! Apparently there are a lot of people who have not been happy with their purchases from this website so that kind of put a damper on my somewhat impulsive spending.
Finished work, went home, went to yoga, took a shower and came back. CM came online and we played a little bit. He had talked to me before about using a belt on myself (as a flogger kind of thing) and I have to admit I was curious, nervous, and a little excited to try it out. Well I liked it, gave myself some pretty welts and it made me pretty wet. That, of course is when the trouble started, He had me grab my vibe and fuck myself with it and I got close to climaxing....very close....really super close,but I could not for the life of me push myself over the edge. It was so frustrating that I ended up sobbing on the floor of my bedroom, naked, with a a dripping wet pussy. And I know that CM wants me to climax and I want me to climax, but I find it soooo hard to do! I am not sure if it is something to do with my meds or the fact that I am feeling so depressed about my life lately (see: The Trifecta)or the fact that V was online and I wasn't talking to him and wanted him so badly last night. CM keeps pushing me, which is good but I have this hang up about not being able to climax repeatedly at the drop of a hat and how that makes me a horrible woman/person/partner/sex object. That makes me more frustrated and honestly I feel like I am letting him down (felt the same way about having sex with V) by not being able to cum and cum and cum. I eventually just gave some bs message about being sorry and having to go then logged off and sobbed some more.
I felt like shit and it carried somewhat over to today I'm afraid. I can never live in a home with a firearm in it. I would be too tempted to use it someday.
Monday, June 6, 2011
TMI Time
1. What puts you in a creative mood?
Anything outdoors puts me in a creative mood. When I sit and relax outside on my porch or wander around outside that gets my creative juices flowing. I also like going to places that are artsy in nature, seeing other peoples' artwork and creative expression makes me want to produce my own.
2. What puts you in a silly mood?
Watching my dog puts me in a silly mood. I think it is the nature of fluffy beasts to be able to enchant us two legged persons into getting down on the floor and look ridiculous and leave us feeling refreshed and energized afterwards.
3. What puts you in a contemplative mood?
Being alone puts me in a contemplative mood. Whether I am alone in my car eating lunch, wandering around the city on a day off, or sitting in a park, being alone makes me think of myself and others and the grand scheme of things. Existential.
4. What puts you in a competitive mood?
I am not a hugely competitive person but a good family game of scrabble will definitely set me up to be competitive. Watching sports in big group will also get me competitively excited, even if I don't care about the sport or the team!
5. If you consider yourself a talkative person, what puts you in a quiet mood? If you consider yourself a quiet person, what puts you in a talkative mood?
I always have a problem with this type of question. I used to always categorize myself as a quiet person but am lately feeling more like a talkative person. I am very talkative with my friends, when I've been imbibing, when I feel comfortable in my surroundings is when I am the most talkative. I am quiet when there are fewer people around, when I am contemplating life, when I don't know anyone, when I am depressed.
6. What can a person do that will instantly put you in a sexy mood?
Tell me to crawl to them lol. Whisper dirty things in my ear. All the usual apply.
Bonus: What song puts you in a sexy mood? If possible post a link to the song so that we can listen to it.
Lick by joi
Glory Hole by Portishead
http://youtu.be/yF-GvT8Clnk
Anything outdoors puts me in a creative mood. When I sit and relax outside on my porch or wander around outside that gets my creative juices flowing. I also like going to places that are artsy in nature, seeing other peoples' artwork and creative expression makes me want to produce my own.
2. What puts you in a silly mood?
Watching my dog puts me in a silly mood. I think it is the nature of fluffy beasts to be able to enchant us two legged persons into getting down on the floor and look ridiculous and leave us feeling refreshed and energized afterwards.
3. What puts you in a contemplative mood?
Being alone puts me in a contemplative mood. Whether I am alone in my car eating lunch, wandering around the city on a day off, or sitting in a park, being alone makes me think of myself and others and the grand scheme of things. Existential.
4. What puts you in a competitive mood?
I am not a hugely competitive person but a good family game of scrabble will definitely set me up to be competitive. Watching sports in big group will also get me competitively excited, even if I don't care about the sport or the team!
5. If you consider yourself a talkative person, what puts you in a quiet mood? If you consider yourself a quiet person, what puts you in a talkative mood?
I always have a problem with this type of question. I used to always categorize myself as a quiet person but am lately feeling more like a talkative person. I am very talkative with my friends, when I've been imbibing, when I feel comfortable in my surroundings is when I am the most talkative. I am quiet when there are fewer people around, when I am contemplating life, when I don't know anyone, when I am depressed.
6. What can a person do that will instantly put you in a sexy mood?
Tell me to crawl to them lol. Whisper dirty things in my ear. All the usual apply.
Bonus: What song puts you in a sexy mood? If possible post a link to the song so that we can listen to it.
Lick by joi
Glory Hole by Portishead
http://youtu.be/yF-GvT8Clnk
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Why me?
When I ask what people see in me, it isn't a challenge to them, I just want to know why in the world they would choose me. I do not see myself in a positive light the majority of the time. I am not sure that I am worthy of being loved or cared for by someone, even virtually. I think that there are many others who would be better off than me to be loved and cared for. I don't see those qualities in myself that others see. I just want to know, in the end, why me?
Why Won't You Answer Me?
I found myself fantasizing about CM tonight and not V....
I am not sure how I feel about this.
I am not sure how I feel about this.
Friday, June 3, 2011
A Tale of Two Lovers
So what to say what to say.
I feel rejected by V. We don't talk at all like we used to and I don't know what if anything has caused the change. It could just be him moving to Colorado and having a new job. It could be me saying that I was talking to other people. It could be nothing, it could be everything. I sent him a message on FB saying that, who knows if he'll respond, or what he'll say, in my experience nothing that neutralizes my discomfort. It makes me sad.
I don't know that CM and I are on the same page. He keeps insisting that he just wants to help me by pushing my limits and that he is there for me and wants me to be safe, but at the same time I feel as though our ideas of what I want are different. He, I think, wants more control than I do. I have a feeling I am an "in the bedroom" kind of girl, or at least a "in a relationship" kind of girl. I am not a 24/7 kind of girl. As I told him this evening, I have too much to do in my life to be 24/7. On the other hand, I want to experience some of the darker things, to be controlled, to be hit, to be tied up and used for someone else's pleasure.
I wish I could just not, just give it all up. I've tried that, it doesn't work. I don't know what to do with myself.
I feel rejected by V. We don't talk at all like we used to and I don't know what if anything has caused the change. It could just be him moving to Colorado and having a new job. It could be me saying that I was talking to other people. It could be nothing, it could be everything. I sent him a message on FB saying that, who knows if he'll respond, or what he'll say, in my experience nothing that neutralizes my discomfort. It makes me sad.
I don't know that CM and I are on the same page. He keeps insisting that he just wants to help me by pushing my limits and that he is there for me and wants me to be safe, but at the same time I feel as though our ideas of what I want are different. He, I think, wants more control than I do. I have a feeling I am an "in the bedroom" kind of girl, or at least a "in a relationship" kind of girl. I am not a 24/7 kind of girl. As I told him this evening, I have too much to do in my life to be 24/7. On the other hand, I want to experience some of the darker things, to be controlled, to be hit, to be tied up and used for someone else's pleasure.
I wish I could just not, just give it all up. I've tried that, it doesn't work. I don't know what to do with myself.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wanting and Loving
I want V to tell me that he wants me, that he wants to be with me, that he misses my skin next to his, tasting me on his lips. I want him to tell me that he misses kissing my forehead, holding my hand, feeling me lean up against him.
Parts of me are ready to give him up (again) but we all know how well that worked the last couple of times I attempted it (read: still talking to him). Then he goes and says things that make me melt and quiver and want him to love me.
V: i want to see your body
V: feel it in my hands
But how can one fall in love with someone so far away? How can one fall in love with someone's virtual self? the argument could be made that one's virtual self is equal to one's "real" self, but if that is the case then why all the questioning? Is it because there are those who actively choose to present themselves as not their real self?
IDK what this started out as and I am definitely sure IDK what it turned out to be but here it is in all its glory :)
Parts of me are ready to give him up (again) but we all know how well that worked the last couple of times I attempted it (read: still talking to him). Then he goes and says things that make me melt and quiver and want him to love me.
V: i want to see your body
V: feel it in my hands
But how can one fall in love with someone so far away? How can one fall in love with someone's virtual self? the argument could be made that one's virtual self is equal to one's "real" self, but if that is the case then why all the questioning? Is it because there are those who actively choose to present themselves as not their real self?
IDK what this started out as and I am definitely sure IDK what it turned out to be but here it is in all its glory :)
Misery by Maroon 5
So scared of breaking it
But you won't let it bend
And I wrote two hundred letters
I won't ever send
Sometimes these cuts are so much
Deeper than they seem
You'd rather cover up
I'd rather let them be
So let me be
And I'll set you free
[CHORUS]
I am in misery
There ain't no other
Who can comfort me
Why won't you answer me?
The silence is slowly killing me
Girl you really got me bad
You really got me bad
Now I'm gonna get you back
I'm gonna get you back
Your salty skin and how
It mixes in with mine
The way it feels to be
Completely intertwined
It's not that I didn't care
It's that I didn't know
It's not what I didn't feel,
It's what I didn't show
So let me be
And I'll set you free
You say your faith is shaken
You may be mistaken
You keep me wide awake and
Waiting for the sun
I'm desperate and confused
So far away from you
I'm getting here
I don't care where I have to go
Why do you do what you do to me, yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah
Why do you do what you do to me yeah
Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah
(been stuck in my head all day!)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Rabbit Rabbit
So starts another month and with it comes an existentialist rambling in the vein of stream of consciousness that happened to pass through my mind last night.
Went to the IML Leather Market with a friend of mine on Monday. It was very arousing. I think it was just the overall atmosphere that was arousing because my friend and I were NOT the target audience (being neither gay nor male nor leather-ly inclined). It was a lot of fun and there was lots of leather gear (naturally) and some very tempting toys in the flogger/cropper/cuff department. Overall the hottest things there though were the people. Specifically two CLEARLY kinky couples.
The first was a pair of men, one of whom laced the other onto a bondage board. While this was going on the sub was being fondled and played with and you could tell he liked it. His top/Sir/Master/What have you was very tender with him, kissing him, talking to him, making sure that he was comfortable. When we passed that booth a second time, the sub was still bound and his partner had thoughtfully blindfolded him and was kissing him again.
The second was another pair of men, dressed in leather, the sub/bottom/slave in slightly less than his dom/top/Master of course. The sub was on his knees, hands behind his back and was kissing a leather floggger in his dom's lap. The sub had a new red welty mark on his thigh, probably the result of said flogger. All the while he was kissing the flogger his dom was stroking his hair in approval, it was the first REAL example of a sub/dom relationship that I've seen (above example excepted)and it was SUPER hot.
So what do these two relationships have in common in my mind? The fact that I screamed in my head that I wanted to be in them! That I wanted to be bound to a board and touched by someone I love, that I want to thank a Sir for flogging me and feel his hand stroking my hair, telling me I'm a good girl.
So why don't I have this you ask? Well, part of it is cowardice, fear of something new, even something pleasurable. Part of it is the feeling of unpreparedness, as if I have to experience more before I attempt this as a real life experience. Part of it is that I want this to happen with V, that I feel comfortable, aroused, excited to try these things with him.
Speaking of unpreparedness, CM and I had a somewhat disconcerting discussion late last night. We were discussing the fact that I had been to IML and were discussing the possibility of my augmenting my collection of goods based on what I saw there when the topic of anal arose:
CM: u know u have a thing about anal
CM: i will tell u this i dom will push that issue
ME: why?
CM: because alot of men want anal
CM: even to stretch u
ME: so i should prep for something because others may want it?
CM: your dom [will] push your boundaries
...
ME: :s
CM: [it] sux i know
...
CM: your dom will want u push yourself and anal if never done it will be a major issue
ME: *wrinkles nose
CM: im sorry but i can almost garuantee that
Now I will admit that V may have snuck a finger up there and it felt good, but at the same time this is something that I need to move slowly on and only when I am damn turned on! This falls into the category of "SCARY" and needs to be treated as such. So far this is the only thing that CM has suggested that has truly pushed my comfort and it is an unpleasant feeling....
Went to the IML Leather Market with a friend of mine on Monday. It was very arousing. I think it was just the overall atmosphere that was arousing because my friend and I were NOT the target audience (being neither gay nor male nor leather-ly inclined). It was a lot of fun and there was lots of leather gear (naturally) and some very tempting toys in the flogger/cropper/cuff department. Overall the hottest things there though were the people. Specifically two CLEARLY kinky couples.
The first was a pair of men, one of whom laced the other onto a bondage board. While this was going on the sub was being fondled and played with and you could tell he liked it. His top/Sir/Master/What have you was very tender with him, kissing him, talking to him, making sure that he was comfortable. When we passed that booth a second time, the sub was still bound and his partner had thoughtfully blindfolded him and was kissing him again.
The second was another pair of men, dressed in leather, the sub/bottom/slave in slightly less than his dom/top/Master of course. The sub was on his knees, hands behind his back and was kissing a leather floggger in his dom's lap. The sub had a new red welty mark on his thigh, probably the result of said flogger. All the while he was kissing the flogger his dom was stroking his hair in approval, it was the first REAL example of a sub/dom relationship that I've seen (above example excepted)and it was SUPER hot.
So what do these two relationships have in common in my mind? The fact that I screamed in my head that I wanted to be in them! That I wanted to be bound to a board and touched by someone I love, that I want to thank a Sir for flogging me and feel his hand stroking my hair, telling me I'm a good girl.
So why don't I have this you ask? Well, part of it is cowardice, fear of something new, even something pleasurable. Part of it is the feeling of unpreparedness, as if I have to experience more before I attempt this as a real life experience. Part of it is that I want this to happen with V, that I feel comfortable, aroused, excited to try these things with him.
Speaking of unpreparedness, CM and I had a somewhat disconcerting discussion late last night. We were discussing the fact that I had been to IML and were discussing the possibility of my augmenting my collection of goods based on what I saw there when the topic of anal arose:
CM: u know u have a thing about anal
CM: i will tell u this i dom will push that issue
ME: why?
CM: because alot of men want anal
CM: even to stretch u
ME: so i should prep for something because others may want it?
CM: your dom [will] push your boundaries
...
ME: :s
CM: [it] sux i know
...
CM: your dom will want u push yourself and anal if never done it will be a major issue
ME: *wrinkles nose
CM: im sorry but i can almost garuantee that
Now I will admit that V may have snuck a finger up there and it felt good, but at the same time this is something that I need to move slowly on and only when I am damn turned on! This falls into the category of "SCARY" and needs to be treated as such. So far this is the only thing that CM has suggested that has truly pushed my comfort and it is an unpleasant feeling....
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