Just another Tuesday Evening

Well another Tues munch and I return home more confused and pondery than ever.....

I have no clue what I want any more. Or rather I do but I am pretty sure that it is an impossible dream and I don't know if this direction is going to get me what I want? Maybe? I have no clue!!

What I want is :

• a relationship with a primary partner


• that sexes me good


• and would dominate me good


• and isnt old enough to be my father


• that i could bring home to mother


• lives in my state


• would dominate me in a way that is compatible with how i want to be dominated


• can put up with my type A anxious ways


• and my excessive fears


• will hold me all night long


• is intelligent


• will make me feel loved and valuable

I think that is it for the moment.....

Anyway back to the munch tonight. It was actually pretty quiet. Got patted on the head a few times, got a forehead kiss, and a different forehead kiss, and a lip kiss :) Learned a little bit more of the relationship between a couple of the munchers. Declared my upgrading of attending the play party from "absolutely not" to "probably not." However my cousin (whom I love of course) paid his money for the party....

I am not sure that I can go if he is going. I was offered the potential option of being locked in the cage/cuddle cage for the evening, which actually doesn't sound as bad as it, well, sounds. I could watch or not, converse or not, ruminate or not (although we all know I will). I seriously think I need someone to take my reins and just pull me along. I can't do it myself.....I am a coward. But if I don't do it I will end up regretting it and hate myself that much more...