So last night I slept with V again.
I was worried about sleeping with V because I thought I might start having feelings for him again if I did so. I romanticized what our encounter would/could be like. All tender and filled with sweet nothings and "I missed yous" in between the slapping and biting and delightfully rough fucking. I imagined him fucking me, not just that, dominating me, making me his. Ringing my doorbell with collar and leash in hand.
*Wry laugh*
Of course that did not occur. He showed up and there was some very short....not even flirting. I think I knew even when he walked in the door that this wasn't going to bed the fantasy I imagined so I wasn't as into the game as I have been previously. To that effect he really got rough with me.
He hit me harder than he ever hit me before, he slapped my ass, called me his slut, slapped my pussy till I couldn't stand it. All of which was great, but my heart was not in it at all. I think he knew that. He fucked me hard, but it seemed like it was harder for him to get off, like he didn't know what I wanted even though I told him earlier. I know I wasn't near as vocal as I have been in past encounters and it was because my heart and my body weren't really in it.
I guess overall I am more disappointed than anything. I was expecting to be hurt and feel sad because I wanted more from him. Instead I'm disappointed and angry that we couldn't communicate and that our last fucking session turned out so poorly...
Bad choices are bad choices for a reason. All hail the Year of Reckless Abandon.
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