A little music, a little munching, a little surprise.....

Love this song, the video....not so much

Anywho....went to the munch last night. It was nice. I got there a little late and drove separately from my cousin (affectionately called my Security Blanket) so I sat in my car for a while before he showed up. Then he yelled at me for being silly and said next time I have to go in by myself.

I had a lovely chat with some people that I met at earlier munches and met some new people who seemed nice. I met a couple and the wife was VERY open and somewhat nosy, not bad nosy but "I am comfortable with myself and this community and the intersection thereof" kind of nosy. She actually is a psychology doctoral student in Chi and so we did some shop talk which was fun. We discussed going back to school vs not and how going back to school isn't a great option either as internship placements are guaranteed anymore :(

We also discussed an event next weekend where a PsyD is going to be lecturing (at a local club) about why people like to hit/be hit. I am looking forward to it actually and apparently the wife knows the lecturer as he is an alumni of her grad school.

I have also decided that I need a massage after munches. I get so tense during these events that my neck and back are sore on the drive home. I am not exactly sure why I get so tense but it probably has to do with me not being super comfortable in my kinky skin, the sexual tension I feel in the atmosphere, and my (poor choice of) defense mechanisms. Although, I am sure if I asked I would receive.....

In other news, guess who is back in town? CM! So we had been talking/playing for a while then he disappeared for about 2 weeks and now apparently he is back....and he wants to pick up where he left off. I am unsure about this. I don't know what went on for those two weeks and while I have to admit missing the attention and the playing, I need some sort of explanation or discussion about what happened.

From Touchingquotes.com

(poly persons might disagree with this...)

Post Pride TMI!

It’s TMI Tuesday again. C’mon and play! You know you wanna. =)

1. What are the three (3)”nevers” of your life? (Things you would never do or have never done)

1) I have no wish to visit Africa. The safari thing doesn't appeal to me at all!
2) I will never have a scat/vomit fetish cause EW!
3) I will never stop reading and learning about stuff. That is how I roll.

2. Who or what sleeps with you?

I sleep with a body pillow and a spongebob pillow cause they are squishy and cozy :)

3. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Showering! I had just come home from a friend's wedding and had danced up a storm!

4. What is the most bizarre thing someone has ever asked you to do sexually?

Can't think of one...

5. What is stashed under your bed/mattress? Why is it there?

Right now there is a sweater bin of stuff from when I was younger (cards and collectibles and memory stuff) and a bag of thesis stuff. There used to be a crop hidden in the sweater bin but I moved it when I cleaned under there. Under the bed is a good extra storage spot for me.

Bonus: What is the one thing you have not done with your partner that you really want to do and how will you go about making it happen?

I really want him to buy a collar and make me wear it. He has expressed some interest in it but he lives far away and I don't want to be a pushy sub :(

——————

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog.wordpress.com from your website!

Work Shiva and Party Oh My!

I accomplished the above things today. Go me.

I was also horny today. I realized this especially on my way to the shiva from work where I ended up trying to touch myself through my pants (difficult). I was supposed to wait for the food and ended up masturbating on the couch in my dad's house (where the shiva took place) while my half sister's bf went to get ice.

I also thought a lot about V. In my perfect world (we all have one and I am sure I have written abou this before) V would take control of me (dare I say own me??) use me as his fucktoy his fuckslut his whore. He would tease me and play with me and make me kneel at his feet with a collar around my neck and the leash in his hand. I want to be His (yup the capital 'H') and I am not sure if this is just a ridiculous fantasy of mine that will never come true. If it is just some romanticized idea of what I think I want with someone who lives so far away.

I am not sure if I should talk to V about this. He calls me his fuckslut, his fucktoy. He thinks what I want is hot (the crop, the collar, being used by him), but IDK if what he wants extends to the degree that I want, and because we don't talk as much as we used to, discussing this with him will be difficult. I've talked to him before about our "relationship" and I always feel not content with how they end because we end up talking over instant message or text and you can't get the whole picture through that.

All I know for sure is I want to be His tonight, to be beaten, and fucked, and loved, and held, and kept safe from everything from the safety of His arms.

Stuck in the middle (of a wolf pack) with you

So my online friend K has recently been talking to another friend of ours, R, on the website we frequent and is in the process of setting up an online relationship with him. Now I think K is absolutely adorable (I actually let her see my face/gave her some contact info) and the other friend is another super sweet person who I also trust quite a bit for someone I have never met in real life (again, has seen my face/has some outside contact info).



So I had a looooong chat with R about his relationship potential with K and gave my blessing as it were. I have to admit some jealousy, but I am pretty sure it is the same jealousy that I feel with every D/s couple that I know online/IRL. K had a bad experience with an online relationship recently and so being in one with R would probably be good for her.

R and I also had a fairly lengthy conversation about the way his household operates. Apparently he runs it like a pack, it is an interesting concept, sounds kind of commune like in a way or "Stranger in a Strange Land" ish.

Busy Busy Bee

So I successfully went to the munch again this Tuesday and had a lovely chat with the people there. I could totally have a lust/crush thing on the one of the organizers. Not sure why exactly, I blame on the fact that he is friendly lol. He kept trying to ask me questions in order to figure me out. Some topics of conversation included:

"So what are your opinions of nipple clamps?"
"Boobies are nice, how do you feel about them?
"Are you going to share your opinion about anything?"

He also asked if I had stalked him on fet (which of course I had) and suggested that next time I stalk him I add him to my friends list (which I did) :)
I also got patted on the head a couple of times and the above gentleman put his hand on my knee (made me jump but was delightful). Oh and my cousin helped come up with a better metaphor for my need to ponder: imagine just shoving a butt plug in someone's ass with no preparation, not fun. I need my buttplug (in this case kinky experiences) with lube....lots and lots of lube.

In other news my good friend from high school came into town from Seattle because she is getting married this weekend. So Wednesday a couple of us went to the city and sailed around the shore of the lake on my uncle's sailboat for a while. Anyway, one of my good friend's tells us that her brother came out as bi-sexual recently and there was lots of "good for him" and "yays." My friends are super accepting and lovely people. So I decided to tell them that I have decided that I am kinky. I am not sure what I was expecting in the realm of reactions but the general consensus was, "Yeah and?"

There was not surprise, no shock, no congratulations. I mean I would have guessed that they wouldn't be surprised but a little reaction would have been nice I think. My one friend (probably the one I am closest to) kind of joked that now I need to find a dom who is hot, or a hot guy who wants to dom me lol. That same friend actually mentioned she things she is starting to get a little into girls, certain girls at least. (I'd fool around with her I think.) She also pulled my hair and said something to me (can't remember what exactly) in a SUPER domme-y voice and it was hot. Sent a little ripple of lust through myself let me tell you!

Control

I clung to wall staring at the scene in front of me. The large open space amplified the moans and thwacks coming from the participants in the middle of the room. I leaned back against the concrete cool and soothing did little to alleviate my overwhelmed senses. Closing my eyes only brought the hot smell of sweat and sex closer to me and the air seemed to reverberate as if it was being agitated in some giant blender.

I could feel how tense I was, I didn't belong here, it was too much for me. I forced my hands to unclench by my side and was just about to escape the warmth of the room when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Having fun?" Chad asked. Chad was one of the organizers of the local munch and had been the one to arrange the invitation to the play party that evening. I smiled shakily,

"I think I am going to head out."

"The night is young," he protested, "stay a bit longer." I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, I had to escape, get stabilized. I took a deep breath, ready to make my apologies and go when I felt him wrap a hand in my hair. "Just relax and breathe. You are way too tense." I breathed out in a whoosh and concentrated on my breathing for a moment.

I could see the concern on his face, he seemed to be deciding on a course of action. "Better?" he asked. I nodded and used his free hand to wipe away the moisture I hadn't realized had leaked from my eyes. "Good girl. Just relax and let me worry about what's going on around you ok?" I nodded again and he traced my jaw with his finger tips. I felt a tug on my hair and realized that he was signalling for me to kneel next to him. I hesitated and tugged again, gently, looking me in the eyes while doing so. I finally lowered my eyes and sat on the ground at his feet. He adjusted the grip in my hair and moved closer so that I could lean on his leg.

I closed my eyes again, steadying myself against him, feeling my heartrate slow and my breathing deepen. It was all right now, there was nothing to be worried about, all the scents, sounds, and sights were secondary to the feel of his hand in my hair and his leg against my body. I relaxed as people approached to chat with him.

I heard my name once or twice and tensed but a small tug on my hair reminded me of Chad's presence and his promise to worry about the activities around me. I spent the remainder of my time there, sitting next to Chad feeling his hand in my hair, or patting my head, and occasionally stroking my cheek, almost absently.

It was just what I needed; control.