Dancin' Dancin' Dancin'

So J and I have really been exploring this whole anal sex thing.  Overall it has gone well.  It makes me cum hard but there remains some discomfort/concern over cleanliness for me.

I went out with an old friend of mine from grad school this evening.  It was pretty fun.  She just went through a yucky divorce and is rediscovering her amazing ability to pick up men and to act as a wing woman for her friends.  So there we were she was flirting with one guy, her friend was deep in conversation with another, and I was just hanging out.  I felt kind of left out, like I should be trying to find a guy to flirt with (even I love love LOVE J).

By the end of the evening my friend's guy was drunk and talking to me about the size of phones/penises and her friend had snuck out with the guy she was flirting with and I was feeling pretty damn content with my relationship.

I did miss J tonight.  I wanted his solid presence, his hands touching me, tight around the back of my neck like an invisible collar.  I wanted to dance with him and kiss him, grind against him and feel him growl in my ear.

But that must wait until another date :)

Devotion

I want to get on my knees, lie abased on the floor for you.  I want to kiss and suck on each of your toes, marveling at the feel of it, the thought that this is what I should be doing, what I should have been doing long ago.  Work my way up to your ankles holding and stroking and kissing and loving every part of you.  Crawl up to your legs and knees, and lick them love them, rub against them gently.  I want to continue crawling up to your thighs, massaging and groping teasing your cock with oh so soft kisses and barely there licks with the very very tip of my tongue to make you gasp and moan and grab me by the back of my neck and force me to you.

I want to work my way up your stomach, your arms, your chest and neck and back.  I want to cover you with my mouth, with kisses, with a show of utter devotion to you.  To show you that I love you, every part of you.

Want

Sexy things J sent me while doing stream of conscious texting:

want to make love to her and hurt her and cherish her and degrade her
want to fuck her and rape her and hold her and kiss her
want to win her heart and rapefuck her body

Force Me

So I went on the date with J (movies, dinner, my place for fooling around) and then he came over/stayed over later that week.  We decided to make it official (lovers truthfully but we both know what it is) via kinky facebook.  I am scared because we kind of skipped the "nervously get to know one another and fumble around awkwardly" stage and went straight to the "sure I will share my life secrets and let you fuck me however you want" stage (exaggerated yes). 

He seems SO into me.  He says all of these incredibly romantic, makes me smile, and tingle kind of things, which I adore, but because we skipped the giddy excitement stage it makes me wonder if he likes me a lot more than I like him.  Which makes me feel guilty because I don't want to hurt him at all!! I want to spend more time with him and do all those D/s-y things that we talk about.  I want him to growl in my ear and make me twitch and spank me over his knee.  I want him to grab my hair and force me onto him.  But do I want him to do those things or do I just want those things???

Pretty Sexy Things (Black and White)

Apparently I have gotten into sexy pics now....

Therapy with myself

Sitting somewhere cozy. Leaning against someone with eyes closed and hands on my shoulders.

Me: It is hard for me to say what I want.

Them: What do you mean?

Me: Laughs Exactly! It is difficult for me to spit out the words and tell someone what I want from them, what I want done to me, what I really need and crave.

Fingers move from shoulders to scalp, massaging.

Them: Why?

Me: Because there is a battle raging inside me where my good upper middle class educated self belittles the devilish lustful slutty little imp self. And I turn out anxious and neurotic.

Them: You aren't neurotic.

Me: Snorts. Clearly you don't know me very well. I build things up then I look like a fool even if only inside my head.

Them: Sounds like a tough audience in there.

Me: Yeah well, they know the script all too well and enjoy mucking about with it.

Them: Is this part of your compliment issue too?

Me: Yeah, I don't believe good things about myself. Laughs. I don't know why half the people who are friends with me are friends with me. Actually, no. I do know. It is cause we are all misfits and we have banded together to survive in a world of non-misfits. They know me, they know my quirks and my my anxieties? But new people, no I have new clue why new people think I am the way they think I am.

Hands leave hair and wrap around my waist, pulling me back.

Them: And how do you think they see you?

Settles into lap further, sighs.

Me: Cute, competent, witty, funny, brave. That is why I am giving it the summer then I will concede defeat and go on to live my life alone.

Them: A forever-aloner?

Me: Sure why not? It is as good an option as any.

Them: You sound so glib about it.

Me: Better glib than depressed and sobbing. Oh strong, I am also supposedly strong.

Them: so what do you need from me? What do you need from this? Gestures to setting

Me: I need, I need, to stop thinking, to be beaten to the point of tears. Beaten with love I guess. I need to be told that it is all fine and I am all fine and that all those things are true about me. But I need to be forced to believe them. I need to be coddled and cuddled and kept warm and drifty. That is what I need.

Them: Then that is what I will provide. It won't be easy and it may not be pleasant, but I can try to give you what you need.

Me: And all I can do is try to accept it.

Them: You will accept it, because I will tell you to do so, and you will leave here happier and freer and with some lovely souvenir bruises.

Control

I clung to wall staring at the scene in front of me. The large open space amplified the moans and thwacks coming from the participants in the middle of the room. I leaned back against the concrete cool and soothing did little to alleviate my overwhelmed senses. Closing my eyes only brought the hot smell of sweat and sex closer to me and the air seemed to reverberate as if it was being agitated in some giant blender.

I could feel how tense I was, I didn't belong here, it was too much for me. I forced my hands to unclench by my side and was just about to escape the warmth of the room when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Having fun?" Chad asked. Chad was one of the organizers of the local munch and had been the one to arrange the invitation to the play party that evening. I smiled shakily,

"I think I am going to head out."

"The night is young," he protested, "stay a bit longer." I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, I had to escape, get stabilized. I took a deep breath, ready to make my apologies and go when I felt him wrap a hand in my hair. "Just relax and breathe. You are way too tense." I breathed out in a whoosh and concentrated on my breathing for a moment.

I could see the concern on his face, he seemed to be deciding on a course of action. "Better?" he asked. I nodded and used his free hand to wipe away the moisture I hadn't realized had leaked from my eyes. "Good girl. Just relax and let me worry about what's going on around you ok?" I nodded again and he traced my jaw with his finger tips. I felt a tug on my hair and realized that he was signalling for me to kneel next to him. I hesitated and tugged again, gently, looking me in the eyes while doing so. I finally lowered my eyes and sat on the ground at his feet. He adjusted the grip in my hair and moved closer so that I could lean on his leg.

I closed my eyes again, steadying myself against him, feeling my heartrate slow and my breathing deepen. It was all right now, there was nothing to be worried about, all the scents, sounds, and sights were secondary to the feel of his hand in my hair and his leg against my body. I relaxed as people approached to chat with him.

I heard my name once or twice and tensed but a small tug on my hair reminded me of Chad's presence and his promise to worry about the activities around me. I spent the remainder of my time there, sitting next to Chad feeling his hand in my hair, or patting my head, and occasionally stroking my cheek, almost absently.

It was just what I needed; control.

Story for CM

You told me to meet you at 8, I show up a few minutes early, uncertain as to what the plan is for the evening. I take a deep breath and knock on the door. You invite me in and I step through, already damp with excitement. You are sitting in your favorite chair, almost a loveseat really, covered in smooth leather. I close the door behind me, the soft click of the lock ensuring that we are now alone together.

“Come here love.” You command, I start walking towards you and you click your tongue disapprovingly. I hesitate then lower myself to the ground and crawl the rest of the way to your feet, blushing furiously in the process. “Better.” You say simply and I blush anew. You extend your legs toward me and I bend down even more to kiss the tip of your shoe, I feel your hand on my neck pressing me down further and I comply, keeping my lips pressed firmly to your shoe as your hand squeezes the back of my neck. “Tsk tsk,” you say, “clothes? I think not.” You remove your hand from my neck and I jump to remove my shirt. “Slowly love, always slowly.” You caution.

I pause then continue to remove the rest of my clothes slowly, putting them in a neat pile on the floor as you look on approvingly. You make me stand in front of you naked for a moment, just watching, admiring, concocting plans for the evening in that deliciously dirty mind of yours. Finally, after an apparent eternity, you pat your lap inviting me to sit with you. I gratefully accept your invitation, wrapping my arms around your neck and resting my face on your shoulder. You laugh a little at my shyness and put your arms around me squeezing me tightly. We sit like that for a moment, a snapshot of you cuddling a naked me on your lap, a Rockwellian fantasy.

You shift my weight on your lap so one of your hands is free to roam my body, touching, tickling, pinching. I endure it as best I can, sighing when you brush a particularly sensitive spot and moaning quietly when you reach your fingers up to examine my nipples. Hard as they are, you somehow make them harder with your grasping pinching fingers. My head is still buried in your shoulder, an attempt to stay somewhat silent in the wake of your explorations. You continue for a while, groping, touching, pinching, attempting to play me like some fine instrument until your hand comes to rest on my thigh.

You tap my thigh once, a signal that I both love and hate, wanting to continue your exploration of my body. I open my legs a fraction of an inch and I can feel you frown as you pinch the skin of my thigh rolling it between your fingers. I yelp quietly and open myself up to you. Tantalizingly, you stroke the insides of my thighs, barely touching them, working your way up to the crevice between them. I feel your fingers squeezing my lips, spreading my wetness around and I make a sound. You ignore me and continue pinching my lips together the wetness oozing onto you fingers. I am squirming now, wiggling on your lap, feeling the semi hardness under my ass.

You let my lips go and proceed to stick two digits inside me, swirling around. I am biting onto the fabric of your shirt my hips twitching under your touch. You bring your finger to your lips and suck it clean. “You really are sweet my sweet.” You say chuckling slightly, you pat my legs, “Lap time is over pet, now the fun begins.”

I love you

Scenario 1

I snuggle in closer to you, my head buried in your chest, arms pulled in tight. I want to feel secure after our play time. My ass is still gently throbbing in time with my clit. I had happily been spanked, tied, and fucked for hours by you. The steady rhythm of your hand making contact with my flesh still rings in my ear. I replay the scene in my head, one of your hands in my hair pulling my head from side to side. The other hand gripping and pinching my breast and nipple. All the while shoving yourself in me, describing how hot and wet and tight I was, all for you. I push my face into your chest and nibble, "Love you," I murmur into your skin sleepily. I feel you shift to kiss the top of my head softly,
"Love you too sweet."

Scenario 2

"I love you," I whisper into your neck.
"What'd you say hun?" You reply.
"Nothin'" I whisper, blushing.
"What did you say?" You repeat, waking up slightly.
"Nothing, I didn't say anything." I repeat tensing slightly. You push me onto my back and lean over me.
"What. Did. You. Say?" You demand, a hint of growl creeping into your voice. My eyes go wide as your hand starts to twine itself into my sleep massed hair.
"I love you." I whisper, my lips barely moving and pulse beginning to quicken.
"I didn't hear you." You tug at my hair and I moan quietly.
"I love you." I say quietly, looking anywhere but at your face looming above me.
"What did you say?" You repeat, pulling my face towards yours and pushing my chin up so my eyes meet yours. "Louder."
"I-I love you."
"Louder."
"I love you."
"Who do you love?"
"You! I love you!"
"WHO do you love?"
"I love YOU master! I love you!" I cry, tears beginning to pool at the corner of my eyes. You tilt my head up and leave the barest of kisses on my forehead, kiss the tear tracks down my cheeks and put your lips on mine.
"I love you too, my little toy."