309.0

I am so lonely but I keep getting rejected by the one person I know down here.  Last night was pretty bad.  I was feeling rejected by MNF, then I was talking to my friend Ninja (to whom I have been talking a lot lately) and our conversation went something like this:

Ninja: you should clean in a sexy outfit *nods*
Me: hmm? lol
Ninja: put on some good music
Me: that was kind of random ninja lol
Ninja: whcih?
...
Me: the clean in a sexy outfit comment
Ninja: oh. no so much. its a stress reliever. gives you somethign to focus on was in my brain when I microflashed ;)
Ninja: sides you;d look good in it :D
Me: ninja! if it was anyone else i'd say you were hitting on me! :p
...
Ninja: *smiles* I'm just stating fact and truth. if I was hitting on you, I'd choose something tha would make you wet, ting and smiel whith that little red you get. :D lol.
Ninja: but the thought has crossed my mind afew times. ;)

It kind of freaked me out.  I adore Ninja, he is a mentor and a friend and confidante and......well, he is Ninja.  But I don't know how to relate to him as someone who wants to hit on me, or at least has thought about it.  It is like finding out that your best friend wants to fuck you five ways from Sunday (not that Ninja is my best friend but it is a similar feeling). 

THEN, Ninja's mate K, another good friend (who has been going through kind of a busy/rough patch) was texting me and told me she missed me and that just was the last straw and I started crying.  How can someone miss you when you've never met??? (even though I've totally told her I miss talking to her as well)

So the combination of feeling uncomfortable with new information, being missed, feeling rejected, and feeling incredibly lonely (oh and my self diagnosed Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood) made me incredibly depressed and I cried for the rest of the evening on and off.  I was exhausted this morning and it kind of lasted all day.  I cannot wait to get my new rx filled so that my meds are balanced again...I think that will help.