So after talking with one of my online friends, I decided to ask him to forbid me from sleeping with MNF again. He readily obliged and stated:
Me: can you just remind me not to sleep with MNF
Ninja Friend: as per previous agreements you are NOT to sleep with, engage with or otherwise have sex, sexual congress or interbody intimacy of any kinds ith MNF.
Me: ok ninja
Ninja Friend: *hugs* NONE FOR YOU! Be strong. I still love you
So I went over and hung out with MNF earlier this week (we watched old episodes of Dr Who ^^) and we cuddled....and made out....and he stuck his hand down my pants and made me moan a bit.....but I stuck to my guns and all pants remained intact. He got on this kick of talking about making me cum because only one guy has done the deed (through oral) and he has not gone down on me as of yet so....
Anyway afterward I wrote down some random thoughts that needed to get out of my head that evening:
- So the Ninja Friend plan was 70% success
- pants stayed on
- my shirt came off for <5 mins
- i cried
- he asked "What's wrong?" but all I could say was "I'm ok" and "It's fine"
- I wasn't lying I didn't know how to explain
- It's more than a booty call be less than a relationship
- He is my only local social contact
- He called me beautiful and pretty and said not only does he like cuddling, but he likes cuddling with ME
- I gave him blue balls :(
- He gave himself blue balls......
- I kept saying I'm sorry
- I don't know what to do....
- My instinct is to run away but he is my only local social contact
- He called himself an asshole for hurting me
- Is he hurting me or am I hurting myself??
- It is easier for me to take all the blame and deny than to talk about it and cry
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