Under the sun

So J found this blog and read it...or is in the process of I am not exactly sure.  We have been having some really sexy kinky yummy experiences (hanging from a hook on a door, spanking, etc etc) which has been delightful.  We have some some super heavy talking about us and sex and kink and us/sex and us/kink and kink/sex just absolutely everything under the sun.  It is amazing how close to him I feel most of the time.  And I know the psychology of increasing intimacy by sharing details of one's life with another person blah blah blah.  apparently it is true.

I am not sure how I feel about him reading this...I think I may ok from when he started reading to the beginning (might as well) but negate any new posts.  He texted me something this evening after having read some more of my blog and it made me cry:

...I now have a better understanding of how much you've been treated like shit.  Let me be clear...I want you.  I want you more than I care about doing anything or exploring anything with others.  And just because you want to try things with others doesn't mean there has to be quid pro quo.  I don't want you to EVER think that I'm more interested in someone else, or using you as an...Entrance ticket....

(I am pretty sure that the term "Entrance ticket" is from here but I don't know where off the top of my head.)  so then I cried and told him that I was crying and he called me and it was ok.  And not "I'm just saying ok to make you go away" an honest "I'm ok and I'm crying but I am truly ok."

And we talked about other things and more about our boundaries and his sadistic side that he hasn't unleashed yet and my wanting to experience that with him and making sure we are both ok and safe and happy and loved.  It was a good talk.  I love talking about that kind of stuff with him.  I think mostly because it isn't just me being anxious and neurotic and worrying.  It is open and honest and feels ok.

So for now I am just going to save this as a draft.  We shall see what the sun brings tomorrow...