I know

So My Ninja Friend and I have been having increasingly steamy conversations with each other.  Well tonight he was talking to me on the phone while touching himself and came on the phone with me.  Immediately I became depressed because the first thought that came into my head was "He is now just going to use me to get off when he is horny just like everyone else I know because that is all I am to them."

And I know if I tell him this that he will vehemently deny it and will try to convince me and I know that this is just a negative cognition in my head (along the lines of "I am not good enough for anything but getting other people off").  But it is gonna stay in my head, cause that is how I am.

I am flawed.  I can't give myself to anyone because I keep repeating to myself that I am not good enough for anything but getting people off while I am left unloved and unfulfilled.  V, MNF, Almost Date.....that is all I am good for, being a tool for guys to get off and then reject when they are sated.  The worst part is, I KNOW that these are just cognitive distortions that come out when I am depressed and I know what I would tell friends that say they are thinking this way......but I can't go and talk to someone about about it because I am supposed to be the expert and know how to fix this issue in others...I just can't do it for myself.