Ninja Time

So where to begin...

I have been talking to my ninja friend a lot and he and his mate have been having communication problems lately.  He and I have been talking about this and just talking a lot.  There has been a little bit of flirting and sharing lots personal info and thoughts and experiences. I thoroughly enjoy the flirtingand it is very much "gentle" flirting.  A definite part of me has been feeling anxious at the thought of becoming a wedge between ninja and his mate (also a good friend of mine).  That anxiety and knowing that the direction our conversations were heading prompted me to bring up what his thoughts were regarding my role in his relationships and where the boundaries were essentially. 

His answer was kind of long and detailed (as are many of his thoughts) but it basically came down to this:

"I think you want to try things, as you have to people you are close to, trust and have attraction to. *nods* and you know you would be free to do and try things locally till we could all meet up if things were to happen that directon. which givs you support, release and help along your path while belonging to something that could go somewhere special and fun. *nods* "

He also kind of left me with this question to ponder: "have YOU given any thought where you WANT to be in all this?"

And, yeah, of course I've thought about what might happen, what I might like to happen, if I were to spend time with ninja and his mate....but I have learned that if I want to put myself in a place where I can halt things so I can still control them to a good extent that it starts by not allowing myself to fantasize about what might happen.  If I don't fantasize I don't create expectations, if I don't create expectations then I am not disappointed/hurt etc when those expectations turn out differently than in the fantasies.  I know it is a total defense mechanism, I know that it is one of the ways in which I wall myself off from people.  I consider that a decent first step to becoming a sane human being lol.

I also have info about some more potentials, one fairly local and one up north...but that is for a later post