So I went to a kinky event this weekend. I was planning on heading to another Halloween type party that night so I was all gussied up at Little Red Riding Hood (nailed it btw) but others were also dressed up in various ensembles so it was all good. It was a potluck/social/play event for the local communities. It was a good time, there were a bunch of people from the munch....including almost-date guy. So, after a rousing game of 'let's make purple blush and look at the floor' we had our potluck, played a game of Taboo (tops v bottoms, bottoms won by a landslide :) ) and then they began setting up for the play part of the evening.
A couple of the girls headed off to use the facilities and I went to join (cause pee parties are all the rage now). Well on my way there I was....cut off by almost date guy. He asked if I would like him to tie me up that evening and...started touching me. Not like groping, but those soft caressy touches that just make me melt. So, we ended up talking in the storage room (while they were trying to store stuff) which didn't work so we ended up talking a bit outside. All I can really remember is he asked me some questions one of them being what was I afraid of or something like that and when I finally was able to say something I basically said that I was afraid of getting hurt/letting go. Which is true, true for many people I would say. I remember him complimenting (?)/commenting on how fast I got all dreamy/sub spacing.
It was chilly outside and somehow I was able to say that I didn't want to play (due to not being a public player) but that we could go inside and sit and whatever. So we go inside and sit and I end up sitting on the floor resting my head on his leg. He touched me and made me twitch/float. He tied my wrists together and petted my hair and called me a good girl, and made me suck his finger. It was....good I think. I mean I get twitchy/floaty pretty easily in the right circumstances, which is kind of embarassing for me because I get so sensitive.
Because we were kind of off to the side and I had my eyes closed the while thing I didn't feel AS public as I really was. Even now I am avoiding thinking about that particular aspect. Eventually I had to "sober up" and did so somewhat reluctantly. Drank some water, got the chills, drank some mulled cider, didn't get as much post-float touching as I like but a) I didn't voice this and b) I think he was trying not to set me off again. We talked a little bit, I was gonna head to my next party, he had another party that he was going to go to so we were going to part ways. He ended up asking if I wanted him to go back to my place (which I rejected because I am trying to avoid making bad choices) and he ended up calling me as I was the way to my other party to ask to go with me. He claimed that he wanted to spend more time with me and would rather do that at a party with people he didn't know than go to his friend's party.
I guess I am just confused as to his motivation and I am worried that I am going to be landing in another situation where it's all physical and while I most definitely enjoy that aspect I really do want more....
I don't know if it is that I don't trust him to essentially use me or that I don't trust myself to not allow myself to be used by someone that has the ability to get me all floaty. My ninja friend told me that I need to figure both those things out and, while I agree, I don't know how to. It is almost enough for me to go find someone to talk to about all of this but.......yes but...
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