Playing the Fairytale

So played with CM again. Had a difficult time finishing even though I was turned on, a second one was not in the cards. It got me thinking again about orgasms and multiple orgasms and orgasm as the culmination of sexual activity. The idea that both partners have to cum for it to be an enjoyable experience and if one or both does not then it wasn't a good experience. I wish that I was one of those women in stories/real life who can cum on a dime (so to speak).

The truth is that doesn't happen for me and it could just be that I am just not experienced enough or it is just not the way I'm built. I hope it is the former and not the latter and I hate disappointing by not finishing "appropriately". This is where those dirty words come in: should, ought to, must etc. I should be able to cum easily and often. In order to please one must be able to cum easily and often. If one is not able to cum easily and often one is a not a satisfying partner. So I end up beating myself up about it (which is nothing new) and add it to the list of my perceived failures in life.

One of the reasons I like CM is that he really knows a lot and has a lot of good things to say. He has this ideal of what a dom should be ("how degrading they can make u feel at the time and the special ones when finished will make u feel like a millions dollars") which sounds like the fairytale prince of doms. The essence of the princess by day and slut by night relationship.

As I was talking to CM, V came online (which always makes my pussy jump) and we talked for all of 10 minutes before he claimed bed time. I don't know whether it makes me sad, rejected, annoyed or angry. I always feel left hanging when he does that but am loathe to bring it up in order to avoid being the pushy nosy girl. CM was all encouraging about visiting him moving to Col getting a job in Col which leads me to become one of those really frustrating "yes but-ers" that are difficult to work with. Yes but I have a job here, yes but it would freak him out, yes but my family/friends wouldn't approve, yes but I would have to transfer my license and it would be a bitch, yes but yes but yes but.

In the end the conversation was put on hold because CM's slave (CK) came online and he went to play with her. So I got abandoned by two fellows this evening which left me feeling very alone.