Comfort

I find it funny that when I inevitably think of V I picture us cuddling in bed naked. His arms around my body so that we are pressed up against each other, sticking to each other. I like to intersect our legs so that I am touching as much of him as possible, so that he can be "in" me without being in me.

He likes to fondle my ass in bed. Not necessarily sexual, more like a gesture of comfort. You are in my arms, I am holding you, I care for you, you care for me. I imagine facing him and wriggling to touch as much skin as I can, feeling almost like I'm in a womb of his arms and body and touch. His breathing and heartbeat focusing my own letting me relax and just be.

I wonder if cuddling can become a recognized form of mediation? "Clear your mind and wrap your lover's arms around you. Feel the touch of their skin on yours, the rush of blood in their veins. Melt into them and let their heartbeat and breathing become one with your own."

I would do it.

The hardest time, the time I miss him the most I think, is at bedtime. Since high school, at least, I've fantasized about falling asleep with someone, wrapped in someone's arm, and wake up the same way. Something about being held all night, knowing that the other person is right there next to you, will know if you move in your sleep, if you have a bad dream, if you have a good dream, is comforting beyond a doubt. I remember the ache that felt during some high school event when my then bf and I slept on couches on opposite sides of the room at a friend's house. I knew WHY we weren't supposed to sleep in the same place, but not being able to have that closeness was painful, even at that age.

Sometimes you hear about "cuddle parties" or "hug parties" where people get together and cuddle/hug each other for mutual comfort. I am always suspicious of those kinds of events. To be held by someone is a very intimate act sensual without being sexual, although the line between can be very thin.